I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
