literally had 100 drinks last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
