I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
