I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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