The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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