y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
