I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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