Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You pole danced in your parka.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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