my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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