Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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