I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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