textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize