don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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