i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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