Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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