I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
