Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize