she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
