That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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