You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
