I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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