she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
false alarm, still single
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
