i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
