i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
