woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
