I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
