A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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