Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
