Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
