I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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