i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
