Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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