I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
