Betty ford says i'm here all night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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