Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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