he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
