bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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