I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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