Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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