I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
