Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
