Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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