i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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