come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
