my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
