i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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