Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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