i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
