I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dear god my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
