I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
