I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize