Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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