The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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