had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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