I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Terrible idea I love it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
