Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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