also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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