someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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