so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
