Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
