I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
