I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
